There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
