I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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