While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
