If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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