Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
