I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
