Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize