You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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