I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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