so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
