I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize