So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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