he shaved USA in his pubs
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
