life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
