was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
