Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
