So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
