I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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