Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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