In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My vagina is officially offended.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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