At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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