You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize