Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
