Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
