We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
