i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
