even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
