Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
