Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
