If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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