Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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