mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I need to stop coming to work sober
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
