Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
