Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
don't judge my taste in strippers
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
