I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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