I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
