I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
