Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
