Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
