You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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