I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I will die if light touches me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
