Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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