I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize