Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
