im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
