SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm like, not good at living.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
