; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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