Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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