I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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