When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Two words: nipple clamps
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