well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
