I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
