They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
