Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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