Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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