May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
