his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
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