There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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