How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize