I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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