You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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