I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize