HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
