wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
