were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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