I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How does one acquire holy water?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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