My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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