Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Come see our sink grown plant.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
