I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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