This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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