plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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