Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
